Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
