ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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