Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
