i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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