Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The air was thick with penises
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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