Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
True college students do jello shots in the library
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