its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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