i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
