it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
