Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my liver is dry heaving
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
