Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
