did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize