somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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