who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
