i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize