You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
