Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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