I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
