mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
there is puke in my bra ... again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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