i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
