Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
