whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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