have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
