bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Im part way to drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
