Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
