If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
