Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Edward fifth and chaser hands
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
