And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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