A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
