I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
