Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
