I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
