ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
