i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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