how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
