I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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