I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
