Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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