Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
