Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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