The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
