sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
