You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
