lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
