I CAN MOONWALK!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
