I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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