I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
