You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize