What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
