Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize