I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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