Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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