Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
