College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
