I just cut my nipple shaving
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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