I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She's the barista slut.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
