On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is Oprah even human
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
