...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
