remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
