Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
