It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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