Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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