marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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