I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
