He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize